'Proper Kind of Disagreement'

Fell over this study, and had to reflect this a little more. As a mom with a 15 and a 12 year old, this kind of troubles are, as for any other parent, a kind of 'daily bread' we got to positively deal with.While I find it easier to argue in good ways with my 15 year old daughter, I am presently heavily struggling with a 12 year old wild boy who is sweeping his growing deer antlers - and does so with me as his sparring partner. I know they need that to learn using them in good ways. But at the same time he ought to do with other stags. Well, looking at the study once more I find that also it is some kind of natural doing so on a safe terrain. And that safe ground is obviously me.

Looking at this behavior closer, it might be that it is in fact an honor that they do such learning process where they trust in the counterpart. Where such trust does not exist, they also can't perform that training process.

As parents all this strange behavior kids express towards us is often enough not really understandable, and my daughter is very funny when she is able to express some days that she definitely knows the periods when her mind and hormonal brain flooding is playing tricks on her. Also learning to self-assess and realizing such factors is very important for finding ways to communicate and find together. Provided that the counterpart accepts this benevolently and does not use such kind of acknowledgement of own weakness of the other to weaken him or her further and then attack on this weak point. The latter is definitely just very undeveloped social skills and unfortunately, many people make their little wins that way. Even dogs have more advanced social skills. It is a nice outcome of the study that apparently humans can also learn to get there.

Teens who express differences might also resist peer pressure
Anne-Marie Tobin, The Canadian Press, Thursday, December 22, 2011 12:00 AM

[...] Essentially, the kids who express their own points of view in the right way are practising an important life skill. Allen said teens need to learn to stand up for themselves somewhere, and those who learn to do so in the right way with their parents are actually much better suited to do it well with their peers.

The study is published Thursday in the journal Child Development. [...]

The study was only done with moms because there were more families with mothers, due to divorces and the rates of single-parent families, but Allen said it's possible the same process applies to interactions with dads.
Allen said it makes sense that the teens who can disagree with their parents can disagree with their peers and don't get influenced as much.

"A teen who is successful at standing up for themselves might have a friend who's abusing substances, but is able to stand apart from that behaviour," he said.

"Whereas a teen who, for example, with their parents just says 'yes sir,' 'yes ma'am,' even when they really don't agree or really don't understand, it looks like they maybe do the same thing with their peers — and they just say 'OK, I'll do it,' whether or not it makes sense for them."

He said the challenge for parents who disagree with their kids is to work toward having the right kind of disagreements that are handled in a reasonable way. [...]

I certainly consider the ability to discuss any problem in good ways a matter of highest relevance, and it will be even more the more crowded and closer the world becomes. We all are different, we all have different views and opinions, and with some people it also becomes evident that we might never find a common basis. Also that we have to accept.

But in general it would be possible to deal with any kind of diversity, to be able to explain and to be able to also understand. Provided that the participants develop a sense for anything that is outside of their own little soup bowl. And that is a phase of social-emotional development that got to happen if anyone ever wants to grow. For everyone. A conglomerate of ego-driven dummies won't be able to face what's ahead. We only will if we see there is more than our individual needs and baby-like behaviour. Such development of in-and-outsight usually takes place in the stage of pubicity, and therefore it is so important to interact in that phase, not just to let flow or even go back to an earlier stage, stuffing into widely opened beaks when the nestlings expect us to do so. Naturally, the process is started by our internal programming which is perfectly synchronized for making humans grow. It virtually makes no sense to carry around 1,50 up to 1,80 meters tall 'babies' or driving them around in cars as many parents do when they realize that prams don't work out anymore. If healthy, kids naturally prepare for release and start up the respective steps. All is well arranged. If that step does not occur in natural and healthy ways ... well, then something must happen. Kids just will fill into gaps and breeches they find open to their convenience and develop according to what is around.

Any children undergo a process to understand that they are not only part of a group but also play an individual role within, and it is of importance for them to learn and understand the world they live in and what place they find in there. How that process will be successfull certainly depends on a lot of factors. It starts with the parents and peers, but it is also a commonly known fact that

'It takes a village to raise a child'.
(African proverb)

I can only confirm that the phase for kids is very important to stand up and express their own opinions. If these are their own and at least halfway processed and not just an unreflective reproduction of programming from otherside, any statements are discussable. Cultural and social environments, societies and media have a strong impact on the early development of children already - and I certainly have also underestimated the latter even though due to my background already much more aware of media psychology than many other parents. That makes it even more important that children learn to have and reflect own opinions and not just flow with the stream. If we would have been meant to be parrots we certainly would have become such.

Living beings learn to stand in life. 
Dead bodies flow with the stream.

It really depends on how the parents deal with it. That part is often difficult enough and sometimes (often) just extremely challenging. The good thing just is that

Challenges are there for growth. 


Keeping on loving, moving ahead,
Lyn


Links

• Predictors of Susceptibility to Peer Influence Regarding Substance Use in Adolescence Joseph P. Allen, Joanna Chango, David Szwedo, Megan Schad, Emily Marston Article first published online: 21 DEC 2011
• Argumentative Teens More Likely to Resist Peer Pressure
• Virginia Adolescent Research Group
• Medicine JournalFeeds

Job's Tears or Squeezing out the Limon(ene)

It's crazy, these days. Hope you all had a merry good Christmas and not just 'another holiday season'. You may guess what I mean. Times are moving, changing, and that is, of course, the way it should be. Just where to it's changing, is another thing.

More or less while I wrote the last post on 'getting rid of our shit', my son's brandnew iPod, birthday present from our cousin, perished. To be honest, it did because it stole my son's ability to act on other things but the siren call of that 'i'-thing. I love technology, I love machines (preferrably big ones - real big ones which produce a lot of power), I have always been pushing forward new ideas and, yes, technologies, especially communication technologies (and am shocked by what was made out of them). But to me it is always clear that the human is to master the machine and not the other way around. And anything that is invented for good, people are able to misuse for bad. Must be an unwritten law or something like that.

My son was mastered by Steve Jobs' - may God be merciful to his ashes & soul - team's gorgeous invention which is beautiful, fascinating, gorgeous in design and technology but desastrous and destructive to the social, emotional, brain and nerval development of our children.

It's all about the 'i', isn't it (but not meant is the 'eye' that sees - more the 'ego' that sees nothing but 'i'tself).

A bad aftertaste of last century's 90s. Our kids didn't experience any of the developments consciously and didn't grow awarely into what happened. That makes them easy victims. Adults, too, when they are steered by wanting to be wannabes, and have not started yet to use their brains. Mac was cool when it started up. It was for unique and special people, creative people, people that were out for more quality and more user-orientation, people that needed the advanced features and applications in a special, the creative field - and people who fall for design, of course. Design in a sense that you receive the beauty of something that is created with dedication and some kind of love for what you do, inside and outside.

My son cried real tears when that thing had to go, and I understand him perfectly, from his point of view. I would just like to know if S. Jobs might also have cried some tears (or not) for what has happened to and with his idea(ls).

Apple just became uncool when it started to be all about 'i' - when it started to bet on making the not so special people feel as if they were special. A simple marketing offense, of course, appealing to the 4th level if you look at Maslow's pyramid.

Wanna play a little with the essence of word? 

Translate the 'pod' literally and combine with the 'i' (which is then 'you'). So we talk about the hull of someone, the shell for him, for you which is this little designed music thing. And there is where the dilemma starts: the technology is great and fine, but here, out of the sudden. it starts to claim being the mantle, the shell, the jacket of the 'i', of what you are, a shell for the 'I am'. Think plastically: the kid's self ('i') then must be inside the 'pod' - if it is an 'I' 'Pod'.

Take away the 'i', then it becomes what it is meant to be - a fun thing (though terribly overprized) to listen to some music you like. Unless it separates you from the world. This is your, my, everyones's own responsibility. Wanna be a pea in a pod? Go ahead. A mollusk in its shell? Please, feel free.
(Beautiful pic, by the way. Just not if that shell is to contain me or you, at least according to my point of view.)

Or choose.

Oh dear. You know, they never lie. They do not need to lie because anyway, the set-up triggers work so perfectly that no one could stop the victims to happily enslave themselves. The Matrix is certainly very clear in its metaphors.


My second 'Job's tears' came in with a brand named 'Rituals'.

My dearest wanted to do me something really good, and knew my affinity with the mental ways of cleaning (out) and also knows how much I need a time-out these days. So he in best intention stumbled over a promise that's completely misleading. A clever concept to sell people what they inside are searching for. Just create some chemical mix that got nothing, really nothing to do with the promise on the nicely designed plastic.

Starting with a pseudo-celtic-asian fused symbol creation, they sell 'T'ai Chi' (an inner martial art people practice and learn for ages) or 'Wu Wei' (the art of not acting in a very special sense) and other inner and mental arts for just some €s in bottles and tubes. Also my short descriptions here are very 'short' in that sense, as to understand the terms and meaning behind, it takes processes to really get the meaning and incorporate those. A foot balm of theirs is for instance named 'Lao Tze'. Some might know that we are talking about a high-end philosopher whose insights are still quoted all over the world. So now, that guy is to end up as a foot balm for spoilt and superfluous luxury ladies with a bad common education. Otherwise they would refuse to degrade the wise for using them for their feet. But many do and are captured by the consumption call.

The product line is called 'Tao' - The Way. Others are not better, named 'Zen' (get Zen in bottles - gorgeous) or 'Sakura'. For the last one, though people might misinterpret in a different way, may they all receive what they call for when asking for transience without knowing what they do.

Good luck, ladies!

Yeah, that was deeply sarcastical, of course. Carpe diem b(u)y consumption. Dears, like it or not, it does not work that way.

Some of that stuff contains an ingredient named 'Job's tears' where there is nothing wrong with, of course. It's just my link to the earlier event these days. Other ingredients actually make me much more worry and wonder.

The company 'sells' that stuff with pseudo-responsibility labels and nevertheless, if you look deeper, you are just 'fooled by facades'.


Check out yourself how much is inside those 'philosophies' when you read on lists like some of these:

Polyethylene, Glycerin, Ethylhexyl Stearate, Glyceryl Stearate, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, Glyceril Stearate Citrate, Parfum/Fragrance, Phenoxyethanol, Sodium Cetearyl Sulfate, Polyacrylamide, Benzyl Salicylate, Citric Acid, Titanium Dioxide (CI 77891), FD&C Blue No.1 (CI 42090), Citric Acid, Limonene ....

So now, what got Titanium Dioxide got to do in a body scrub? Neither is the scrub supposed to protect from sun, nor does it make it more pleasant to look at if it is Tipp-Ex white, no? But look at how else Titanium Dioxide is discussed, e.g.

According to the Cosmetics Database, Titanium Dioxide is considered a low to moderate hazard ingredient, depending on use. The EWG notes concerns regarding cancer, allergic reactions, biochemical and cellular changes, organ system toxicity and irritation. Titanium Dioxide can produce "excess reactive oxygen species that can interfere with cellular signaling, cause mutations, lead to cell death and may be implicated in cardiovascular disease." Animal studies showed that very low doses were able to cause respiratory and cardiovascular effects, and this ingredient has been classified as "expected to be toxic or harmful" and as a medium health priority.

Limonene, Citric Acid?
Well,as a child I knew to use orange peels to clean off the tar clumps that you automatically got sticking to your feet walking down a beach at the mediterranean east coast (guess where they came from).
Limonene and Citric Acid are now both ingredients in a a 'Rituals' cream bath named 'Wu Wei'. Citric Acid actually, I prefer to use to decalcify very stubborn residues on hot water or coffee machines, and I certainly have no problem using lemon juice also for my skin. Just bathing in the chemical version of it? I bet it softens the skin ... and longterm certainly not the way I want it. Or, as from Environmental Working Group's Skin Deep Cosmetics database:

Limonene is a scent ingredient and solvent naturally ocurring in the rind of citrus fruit. Upon storage and exposure to sunlight and air, limonene degrades to various oxidation products which act as skin and respiratory irritants and sensitizers.

On Polyacrylamide some comment found via truthinaging.com:

Polyacrylamide is a polymer that is formed from units of acrylamide, a known neurotoxin. However, Polyacrylamide itself is not considered to be toxic, but is a controversial ingredient because of its potential ability to secrete Acrylamide, according to Wikipedia.[...]
The Cosmetic Database finds Polyacrylamide to be a moderate hazard ingredient and notes multiple concerns, including neurotoxicity, organ system toxicity and data gaps. The biggest warning regarding the use of Polyacrylamide is the contamination concern and the presence of Acrylamide, a known toxin.
Acrylamide is rated by the EWG as a high hazard ingredient, at a 10, the highest level possible, due to cancer, developmental and reproductive toxicity, allergic reactions, organ system toxicity, neurotoxicity, irritation of the skin and eyes, and endocrine disruption, as well as biohazardous effects.

The question is, do such things factually need to be in something we smear on and in our bodies? Our skin is permeable and same as our lungs and intestinal walls absorbing and transporting various stuff into the organism.

Now, what I seriously have a problem about is Benzyl Salicylate.
Again, from EWGs Skin Deep Cosmetic data base:

EU Banned and Restricted Fragrances
BENZYL SALICYLATE
Fragrance chemical, which, according to existing knowledge, is frequently reported as a well-recognised consumer allergen

'Rituals.com' uses symbolisms like 'Tao' (and Zen, and others) and the value of purifying mind and soul, and at the same time is doing the absolute opposite for people who especially look for and are in search of that. This is ab-use. And that is what makes me so very, very angry. My first professional education is in sales, communication and marketing, and that does not automatically include lying. Just some people who see this as 'opportunities' are making that from it.


Not tested on animals as a sales argument? 
Just looking above you will find that the ingredients have been tested, of course, even if not directly for a certain product but nevertheless more than to exhaustion in the past. Check out the EU wide ban on animal testing of 11 September 2004, including the plan for fading out those tests. Overdue. But the company founded in 2000 has quite likely not done much towards this development as such takes ages of time. Surely it is always nice to decorate oneself with something one has done not much for to happen.


Do we really believe that we can pursue inner and mental e-volution in the bathtub with certain products while renowned philosophers are soothening our feet and respected philosophies have to stand in for scrubbing our backs? For the Asian culture this is mostly considerable as an absolute insult by complete disrespectfulness.


It's up to everyone to feel free, and fall for misleading symbolisms that sell you 'wellness' with appealing to a wish for higher levels.
You can ease your mind and don't think about it, as that is what you are supposed to. Or you can do. It's up to you.

Another little thing I just tracked, just look and sense yourself how interestingly it matches:

Your body. Your soul. Your rituals.
(rituals.com)

Chemistry – our life, our future.
(chemgeneration.com)

2011 was called out the International Year of Chemistry (with the slogan 'celebrate chemistry') and lots of public money was spent for the community to celebrate themselves and the illusions made up for (us?) stupids to believe. Check out the sponsors, check out the backgrounds to their statements, the ethics of today and what they are built on by ethics of the past (going back just 70 years is very sufficient for some of the big players), entanglements and influences on what we have to swallow (or smear on our bodies) .

Check out what works they really do, what fruit they really bear, here and now and in reality and not in their  PR campaigns. And make up your own mind, free from dogmata or what you are made to believe. I am more than happy it will soon be over with the turn of the calendar, this celebrating. There are many sciences that have their own little problems, but the chemical industry is a problem in itself.


Except those future and future-minded chemists that will be needed desperately one day, namely to clean up the mess chemistry has committed on this planet.

With my sincerest apologies to Lǎozǐ for marketing-misguided co-inhabitants down here and to give that wisdom a better place than on some Titan dioxide containing tubes, herewith found from BrainyQuotes TM - Lao Tzu Quotes:

He who controls others may be powerful,
but he who has mastered himself
is mightier still.
Lao Tzu

Enjoy a gorgeous good time,
Lyn


PS With many thanks for the gorgeous photographies by Michael Dunne. Check out more if you like so on (mick)'s photostream

Finding of the Day - Get Rid

... of your shit.


You can pay a lot for an interior designer or even, if you like it more exotic, for Feng-Shui counselling and where you should best position this or that item in this or that colour or symbolizing this or that in your place (which makes a difference, of course).

Just that whatever you do, it only makes sense if you first

get rid of your shit.


(T'was nice to repeat that once more, it is of eminent importance.)

I guess it is a good day for it. Enjoy the feeling,

Lyn

Got a Dove on Your Roof?

A German proverb says

A sparrow in the hand is better than a dove on your roof. (Ein Spatz in der Hand ist besser als die Taube auf dem Dach)

and on the other side of the world people most likely must have similar ideas, stating

Dumplings are better than cherry blossoms.
(Japanese proverb)

I just find that every One in the end must make up his/ her own mind and his/ her own decisions what is worth going for and what we are ready to give for that freedom. Our lives are results of our decisions. We must know what we want from life. If we stay in unsatisfying relations, professionally, personally, we in the end end up finding that we only smuggle our Selves through our very own life. A pity.

Have you ever figured out the dove that might be so near - already sitting on your roof?

It just takes you to take a short break and to start to see ... just a little, little further.


And sometimes, when the worlds really come together, they even show up personally, as happened at my place the year before. Pic is not very good, but the pic in my heart is certainly very, very clear. I just can recommend to go for it.

The world as it is will surely turn.
If you stick to what you got just because you gave up dreaming,
that then might have been all there ever was - for you.

Love,
Lyn

The Power of Song

Recently strongly feeling that I need singing, well knowing what it does, here some re~flections on the power of singing. Singing by itself is doing a lot to harmonize the breath and with it a general well-being, as well. It's some kind of funny that our societies have come down to offering paid, of course, breath therapies. Singing itself is the best therapy for re-learning to breathe.

But not every song does the same. It depends on the frequencies of the songs we choose, the message in the wording and the vibrations they create in us. In the best sense, singing creates flow and harmony. In the worst sense, we can call in our most feared nightmares and get struck into problems by unconscientously choosing what we sing, in which context and towards or with whom. No person is an island. People are always a part of a whole. What we vision, there we will come, and what we sing that comes on us. What we set our minds on becomes reality at a point when we might already have forgotten an unconscious 'wish'. What we connect strong emotions with, sometimes unfortunately by choosing words and thoughts carelessly, we call into life. We are all creators. And we are all in a world where there is lots of people around who also have their wishes and who also do create.

There is good reason why singing is used in any kind of 'magical' contexts. Dancing and singing is what comes deep out of ourselves as humans, and what goes deep into ourselves, at that point, when using it sloppily or being unconscious about the impact, beyond controllability by will.

What we dance can do the same, by the way. In various cultures, everyone (or at least some person/s) knows that certain entities 'own' certain songs and dances. For good reason. All is re-flection out of and on and into our brains, whether as external observers when we just let it come through to us, or as actors as singers and dancers ourselves. Our bodies and brains, our emotions and thoughts form a unity we can not escape. One is the other part of the other, always and whether we acknowledge it or not.

Singing is certainly one of the strongest emanations of thoughts and words. It involves the whole body, a vessel only but at the same time an entity with very own powers. The power of 'the word' is in principle well-known, the thought, the clear formation in our brain. It is no coincidence that old scriptures so emphasize that power. 

So just my little hint that it really matters what you sing, when, with whom, to whom, with which emotions (which we ourselves sometimes do not realize so clearly at all), with which intention and in which context.

Words matter. If we slur with words, we slur with our lives as well. And wonder why things show up so weirdly as they sometimes do. At the same time, regard that none is all alone and that we always act within a system of others who all have their own visions and goals, and the same power as anyone else. 

Just start caring a little, reflecting a little, from time to time. 

That's all what's asked. The rest comes from alone.

As similar attributes count for symbolisms as for singing, maybe we (you, she, he - whoever feels free) also can start reflecting which symbols we are using or exposed to in every day life.  

Every little thing we do shines through. 

On many different levels.

And hey: Everyone of us is still only human. So it's good to take things serious, but also not. Where and when, depends. It's just that we may, no: we must (!) also forgive ourselves. We need to, to be honest. None of us is perfect ... and none of us is imperfect at the same time.


With my best wishes for a good week
and a good song from time to time (and right now is actually a good time),


Lyn

Under the Surface

... things will look so very different than from ashore.

What a wisdom of the day .... no, it is certainly not, but again, so simple and we often forget. When we struggle ourselves through the needs of material lives we rush and hurry, and often enough loose the view for what's going on under the waterline. We may get used to looking at a lake or the sea from an angle that gives us the view of a glittering, nicely moving surface, neatly reflecting the sunlight, gently curling, while underneath, life goes on in totally different ways.

And by doing so, we can take so bitterly wrong decisions which will have such a strong impact on our lives. Sometimes even not only on our lives, but on other people's lives, as well.

If someone is aware of how it looks in our seas, he or she might smoothly close the circle to how more or less it also can look in the human soul.

What may look like a picture postcard yet can be dying or dead waters for long where all living creatures struggle hard to get along. The superficial viewer might just miss to realize that. Sometimes, and that certainly is not pleasant, we might find out absolutely yet unknown aspects when looking deep into our mirrors. And, ooops, when it is about parents, we should as well break the taboos and look some more what really they have been, and what of their burdens we have allowed to be or have ourselves stuffed into ourselves, others and future generations. Human, as everyone, as you and me, trying to survive. And yet, do they have such a strong impact over even adult people's lives. We are certainly products of our history. Until we release.

Idealizing is never a solution. Idealizing only supports that trash is moving on.

If I were me (what I am, of course), I would take a deep look deep down into the depths from time to time. Just to reassure that everything is fine down there. Have a dive and check that out, to see what literally is littering around, and what could be needed to be done. Don't fear: The trash is there anyway, also if you close your eyes for that and don't dare looking deeper. Just when you see, you can avoid being strangled by some loosely floating ropes, unforeseen old fishing nets, or you can take necessary actions and measures when being toxified by some, maybe long-time, dumped waste.

Sure, I am a little straight when it's about those neat little boxes people have made there for themselves to live in. Never mind - that's why I'm a clown (and that's often enough not a funny job). Like us or leave us. We certainly have depth, that's why we look behind ... facades.

Facades will crumble at a point. What is beneath, remains.

No one benefits from 'wasting on' their lives. It is a pity for every single day that we waste for reasons of our waste. Who knows. Our time can be shorter than we might assume.

Regards and blessings for a beautiful first Sunday of Advent,
Lyn

Little Reptiles on My Balcony ...

... and it is a pleasure to watch. As with the birds, their plain behaviour, we can meditate into how also humans act. Often. Unfortunately, often enough. Sometimes we make things too complicated, trying to see through very complex symptoms, while basically, some things are very simple. As birds. Try it and watch them, and you will see.

At my place and as a live in a suburban area where there is not so much diversity in birds, it looks very simple: The blackbird male is king, as he is the strongest and most aggressive (and in spring, he likes to use the balcony as his personal stage for showing off). Next, there come the sparrows, who come in groups and are quite nasty.  Third, there is the tits. And after them, neatly having to wait until the others have made place, a cute type of tits, smaller and really looking funny so that I call them my little 'punk tits', a sweet little pair of bluetits from this year's breed.

The hierarchies are so very clear: The physically strongest and most aggressives chase away the physically weaker ones and/or less aggressives, and take for themselves what they need, and even more than that. As for my little blackbird king, he even uses to remain sitting on the plate when he himself has had enough - just to prevent others from coming near the source of food.
Next in hierarchical order and therewith at the source of the food: Those who form up groups and become strong through such. Not strong, likely aggressive, and certainly with a high amount of nasty bluntness. Third in row, the smaller ones that show up single (or in couples, but that only in breeding times). And last, funnily jumping around until their time has come, the smallest. And everyone has developed its own way to survive.

What they all have in common: They create a lot of mess. Literally.

And they all are what they are, my friend. No good. No bad. Just trying to survive.

In the birds we see that part of us.Driven by fears and greed. Not more. Not less. Both powerfool drives ... as said, to survive. A very basic need. Fear to survive possible dangers (or predators, so in a sense, survive what might eat us), greed to survive by feeding our bodies well enough (so, what we might eat). Eat or get eaten. Or the other way around.

The question: If we can choose, would we choose to just survive, or is there maybe something more this human life is meant for?

If we were meant to be birds - why, the hel, have we been born into 'humans' then?
(I assume anyone who reads this belongs, physically at least, to the species Homo sapiens)


When it is for fears, there is few ways only to deal: Flee. Attack. A third option is to 'freeze' which resembles a paralysis which completely disables us to act. We try to hide - and literally 'duck away' - so that the feared predator might fail to see us. As many young animals have as an inbuilt program - and also birds (what a nice link to my chicken posting). And - also we, humans, as an heritage from how we started. You can see all what we humans ever have been, in children when they grow up. Just, that we are supposed to grow further and beyond that, usually, unless some deep impact hinders us to go ahead in life. If a further development is hindered, then someting severe must have happened in our lives at an early stage and stopped the growth at that specific point. Whatever happened there has stopped this part of us to grow beyond the basics. It's up to each of us to look at it and find and fight it out. Otherwise, we grow up physically but not mentally, not psychologically, not to talk about spiritually at all. And remain somewhere on a basic level as described more detailed in Maslow and Beyond the Beast .

If we don't ride our dragons
Our dragons will ride us.

To understand the little reptiles on our balcony (or where ever we keep them) is of importance if we wish to under~stand our selves, and then to move ahead.

Have a good weekend, all,
Lyn

Butterfly

And even in a world of tanks
I would still choose to be

A butterfly.

Lots of love, folks,
Lyn

Old and Still Good

This is a lovely story 'out of the web'. I liked it very much when I first fell over it. And there are some others alike, so maybe I will dig them out at a point.  

The eagle who lived as a chicken

One day a young eagle fell off the nest and was picked up by a farmer. The farmer was kind enough to bring the small bird to his barnyard so that it doesn’t perish. The young eagle found a good home with the chicken and grew up believing he is a chicken. He waited for the farmer to bring food, he quacked when a chicken laid an egg, and he enjoyed running around and sitting in a hole in the ground on sunny days. Life was good and comfortable, and the eagle’s wildest adventure was to run under the fence with his friends to that cliff where they looked at the mountains and wondered what lied on their other side. One day he was with his fellow chicken picking seeds off the ground when a shadow covered the sky above him. He lifted his gaze and was mesmerized by the sight of a beautiful eagle cruising the sky. Unlike other chicken that he saw trying to fly, this eagle didn’t seem to be making much effort. With his wings spread wide, he was flying smoothly and changing his direction with the slightest gesture. “Wow. Look at that!”, yelled the young eagle to his friends. “Who is that?”, he asked. “That’s an eagle”, replied a chicken. “He’s the king of the sky. But we belong here on earth. We are chicken.”, she continued. And the eagle staring at the bird disappearing in the horizon as if it was gliding on an invisible path that only he could see. Days later, the old eagle was flying again over the barnyard and was stunned by the sight of an eagle running around with the chicken. He surged down to the ground. As the other birds saw him they ran back to hide in the house. He descended in front of the other eagle before he reached the door. “What are you doing?”, asked the old eagle. “What do you mean?”, answered the young one. “What are you doing running around with chicken?”. “I am a chicken. These are my brothers and sisters. I grew up with them.” “No you’re not. You’re an eagle. You belong in the sky, not on the ground.” “No I am not. I am one of them. All I know is to do as they do, and to eat what they eat. I can’t even fly.” “You can’t because you never tried. But you’re an eagle, just like me”. “Even if what you say is true, I’ve lived all my life as a chicken. I am not an eagle anymore”.” “It’s the heart of an eagle that matters, not the way he lived or ate… Come with me” The eagle took another look at his friends hiding in the comfort of home. “Don’t listen to him!”, yelled one of the chicken. “He is tricking you”,” said another. “ If you go with him, you will die!”. “ Come back and be with us”… But deep inside the eagle’s heart, a faint voice told him what he needed to do. He took one more gaze at the barnyard where he spend all his life playing with his friends, then turned around and followed the older eagle. A moment later, the arrived at the cliff he used to visit sometimes with his friends. They stood next to each other on the edge looking at the mountains in the distance. Without a second of hesitation, the old eagle jumped off the edge, spread his wings and soared upward. The young eagle looked down the cliff and trembled. He’d never flown before. May be he would die. May be he should go back. “Don’t look down.”, the old eagle said “Look up at the sky. Aim toward the sun. Give it a bit of faith.” The young eagle lifted his sight up, spread his wings and leaped… Back at the barnyard, the chicken heard a triumphant cry that ascended to heaven. Their feather trembled and they looked at each other without exchanging a word. They know they will miss their brother a lot. They know he might visit some day and tell them how it felt to fly. And they will gather around to hear his stories about the lands he visited. But for the time being, they would keep doing what they did best: living as chicken.

Déjà-vu?  Well, moi aussi.

The same counts for lynxes who try to be as wolves.
When we are what we are - why trying being some 'thing' else? Just gives hard times in the long run, even if sometimes it's so tempting. And even if the chicken say ...

Cheers,
Lyn

Fusion. Latin-Asian. Ripening.

I could't leave it playing around. A little. Of course.
That's how people know me.

With my best wishes for a gorgeous new year.

Lyn

Fusion. Latin-Asian.

Literally.

[For more on the artist, see www.pal-art.com - Lily Xu. I chose her because her name is related to the lilies I love so much, and the X. as in X.]

'In Japan cherry blossoms also symbolize clouds due to their nature of blooming en masse, besides being an enduring metaphor for the ephemeral nature of life, an aspect of Japanese cultural tradition that is often associated with Buddhistic influence, and which is embodied in the concept of mono no aware.'
'Mono no aware (物の哀れ), literally "the pathos of things", also translated as "an empathy toward things", or "a sensitivity to ephemera", is a Japanese term used to describe the awareness of impermanence (無常 mujō), or the transience of things, and a gentle sadness (or wistfulness) at their passing.'
'Carpe diem is a phrase from a Latin poem by Horace [...] that has become an aphorism. It is popularly translated as "Seize the day". Carpe literally means "to pick, pluck, pluck off, cull, crop, gather", but Ovid used the word in the sense of, "To enjoy, seize, use, make use of". [...] In Horace, the phrase is part of the longer Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero – "Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future", and the ode says that the future is unforeseen, and that instead one should scale back one's hopes to a brief future, and drink one's wine.' This phrase is usually understood against Horace's Epicurean background.'

Source: Wikipedia.org

Have lots of real good time, from time to time,
Lyn

Finding of the Day - 'Sintel'

It's great, indeed, what some 'kids' produce.



Sintel's song
(Artist: Helena Fix)

Come take my journey
Into night
Come be my shadow
Walk at my side
And when you see
All that I have seen
Can you tell me
Love from pride?

I have been waiting
all this time
for one to wake me
one to call mine
So when you're near
all that you hold dear
do you fear what you will find?

As the dawn
Breaks through the night
I move on
Forever longing for the home
I found in your eyes

I will be listening
for the drum
to call me over
far away from
my tender youth
and the very truth
showing me what I've become

As the dawn
Breaks through the night
I move on
Forever longing for the home
I found in your eyes
Your voice
saw me through the night

Yep, the Dragon is the Reptile in us we're all looking for. Hope we'll find it, free it, and be good friends.
As long as not ... it will rule us.

And all the pretty birds?
They are as well
not far away.

Cheers,
Lyn

[From: BlenderFoundation  | Sep 30, 201

"Sintel" is an independently produced short film, initiated by the Blender Foundation as a means to further improve and validate the free/open source 3D creation suite Blender. With initial funding provided by 1000s of donations via the internet community, it has again proven to be a viable development model for both open 3D technology as for independent animation film.
This 15 minute film has been realized in the studio of the Amsterdam Blender Institute, by an international team of artists and developers. In addition to that, several crucial technical and creative targets have been realized online, by developers and artists and teams all over the world.]

THANKS for that! Excellent work

On Top Today - Miracles

For anyone who needs such stuff from time to tim. As me, for instance.

Many nights we prayed with no prove anyone could hear
in our heart's a hopeful song we barely understood
now we are not afraid although we know there's much to fear
we were moving mountains long before we knew we could
There can be miracles when you believe
though hope is frail it's hard to kill
who knows what miracle you can achieve
when you believe somehow you will
you will when you believe
In this time of fear when prayers so often proves in vain
hope seems like the summer birds too swiftly flown away
and now I'm standing here my heart's so full I can't explain
seeking faith and speaking words I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles when you believe
though hope is frail it's hard to kill
who knows what miracles you can achieve
when you believe somehow you will
you will when you believe
They don't always happen when you ask
and it's easy to give in to your fear
but when you're blinded by your pain
can't see your way safe through the rain
thought of a still resilient voice
says love is very near
There can be miracles when you believe
though hope is frail it's hard to kill
who knows what miracles you can achieve
when you believe somehow you will
now you will you will when you believe
you will when you – you will when you believe
Just believe you will when you believe

Thanks to the girls,
Lyn

(Edit: These GEMA restrictions are really getting on my nerves ...)

Finding of the Day - Thucydides

The secret of happiness is freedom.
The secret of freedom is courage

[Thucydides, Greek]

Fell over this today, and I loved it immediately.
Same guy, another quote:

The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.

For more, thanks and see www.searchquotes.com.

Love,
Lyn

Dealing with Depressive

Dealing with depression is painful. I clearly distinguish here what I personally would better call a 'crisis' - and which in common use is often also named a depression, or sometimes depressive episode, though it is not.

Crisis is to learn from, to go through a valley in order to find the trail, to reach and conquer the hill or mountain on the other side. Sometimes that goes deep and sometimes it creates a feeling as if there was nothing but this deep, shady place. But it is necessary to know the shade in order to search for the sun and what you in the future want to go for. It is healing, because we can leave and bury lots of unnecessary stuff in the valley, and lighten our luggage for the crescent on the other side.

Depression is different. Depression is when people simply don't get out of a life crisis which is meant as a phase only and for growing, and they get stuck where they are, repeating to themselves the same old mantras someone or themselves has at a point in their lifes placed into their heads and which they are unable to replace.

It is a pitiful estate, and when this hits people around you whom you love, you as an observer once more realize that there is simply nothing, nothing at all you can do to help the other one and the only control in life is the control we may have over our selves.

But we have no control over what others make from their lives and which ways the choose. They always need to go their very own ways, and it's only them who choose. Even if you both are the closest persons on this planet ever, every one has his/ her own growth challenges to face.

I found an article which expresses very well this estate.

'When a Depressed Spouse Refuses Help

You see they are in the hole and try to help without falling in yourself.  Up around the edge of the hole, you find a few things that look useful.  There’s a map of how other people have gotten out of similar holes, showing footholds and good ways to make the climb up.  You find a long rope with knots, which looks like it could hold your spouse’s weight.  You also find a few shovels that they could use to change the shape of the hole and more easily climb out themselves.  It seems there are other possibly useful things around the hole as you keep looking, but you are sure one of these will work.

You tell your spouse about all these solutions up here at the top of the hole, hoping to provide some encouragement.  It is dark down there and they are feeling lonely.
You throw the rope down and tell them how you think they could use it to climb up.  You assure them that you and others will hold it tightly as they climb up the knots.
Your spouse tosses the rope back up.  Says there’s no way.

Confused but undetered, you toss down the map of how others have climbed there way out of holes like this.  You explain that the directions are thorough and they just need to follow them.  You will be up at the top making sure the way stays clear of any falling rocks or dirt, and will be ready to grab their hand when they get to the top.
Your spouse tosses the map back up.  Says that won’t work.

You are feeling a little scared now, but also more confused.  Even a little angry.  How do they expect to get up if they won’t try something?  You finally toss down the last thing in your hands – the shovel.  You say that the dirt looks pretty soft in some places and they could probably scoop it in such a way that they could climb on top of it and get out.
Your spouse tosses the shovel back.  Says they won’t do that.

The only solutions that would have worked were if the hole didn’t exist in the first place, or if the ground shifted and made the hole shallower.  They can’t possibly do anything to get out themselves.

Well, now what?  If your spouse won’t come out, do you and your family just try to live close to the hole now?  Do you keep throwing things down hoping something will work eventually?  You don’t want to abandon them down there.  But you feel torn.  Your and your kids want to do things that require you to move away from the hole, things your spouse would have done, too.  Except now they won’t come out unless a very unlikely or impossible solution comes along.

This isn’t pretty, but it is a problem many people with depressed spouses or partners face.

Depression and other personality traits can trap a person in their own prison.  Outside influence seems to have little effect on them coming out.  It’s frustrating and can be even depressing for the healthy spouse. 

They are losing their life partner right in front of their eyes and can do nothing about it.'

That's exactly what it means. And it is damned hard to deal with it.
You can - I can - do absolutely nothing about it. Every try I give it just ends up in the same kind of dead end discussion.

I have seen close persons talking to me, talking completely disconnected stuff, I was pondering about what all this now has to do with me whom he is 'communicating with' and the current situation, just to find out that the person was caught only inside himself. Realizing this, I at that very moment literally saw the blinds behind his eyes, the shade that made it impossible for that person to use his eyes to look 'outside'. That one is caught, and though outside turning to another human, inside he is completely alone. He is not communicating. He is only talking to himself and his ghosts in his head.

In another case it happened that in a discussion I realized that the person is not at all addressing me, but he was similarly 'blinded' and in fact he was inside himself talking to his mother - with me as the physical person in front of him. When you realize such during a discussion, the discussion gets really weird. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do to steer it into another, a constructive direction.


And now, I am experiencing the same again. A man, intelligent, in principle of high integrity though obviously torn at a point, a wonderful soul, the one I have been seeking for all my life. When it is about certain subjects, he is switching to a certain mode where it becomes clear that it is not me, the one in front of him, whom he is addressing at all while he is covering me with allegations which have nothing to do with me at all.

Falling into the trap myself to then try to discuss differentiatedly and to unravel the threads, I at last have to find that it is impossible because he understands only what the ghosts in his head say - black & white -, who ever that are and where ever they derive from. Then I can listen but with every additional word exchanged, I will once more find that he absolutely does not get what I say because he is in his very own seclusion. He only hears what his inner voices, the other person(s) he is in principle discussing with, put into his ears - but has me physically in front of himself. At a point, he will mess me up with the ghosts and accuse me that for me there is only black & white. I can exhaust myself to then, again, try to get him back on what really was talked about, with all grey scales and conditional sentences, but he simply will only more project from that point on (mostly, as I realize now, that point is before our talk). In principle there is a kind of triangle relation where unfortunately HE does not realize anymore who is who. He is disconnected, communication is done. He is in himself, and lost  connection to the world that surrounds him. Detached. Alone. All alone. And I am, too - all alone.

Painful.

I am sorry that I have no recipe for a way out. It is always only the one who suffers from that, who alone can make up his mind to go for a change. Only that person, and no one else.


In the meantime, the ones who love can only rely on themselves, love and know.
Life goes on, every day is a precious present. There are children and others who need  strength. I need to remind myself of my strength, having clearly decided at a point in my life that I won't ever any more go for a relationship which is no part-nership, where the balance is uneven for long, long term and which only brings both people down in the end by more and more hurting each other. Love is for sharing - experiences, love, joy, or as usually phrased 'the good and the bad times' but not for creating bad times continuously - as if it was not allowed to be happy together.
Having for long and many times been sacrificed for ghosts, been pushed into others' deep dips myself which hinder me to move forward. (Maybe it looks funny for them seeing others crawling down there where they spend their lives?) I have each time regained my powers, climbed out of that, lost of loss of energies. But I survived. I know how to spread my wings again but I also know how deep and desperate it feels down there. It is unbelievably terrible if you have all your senses together. Maybe that is then why many choose to loose their senses. That, please don't laugh, happens indeed.

There is no direct way of getting the beloved one out of his very personal pit.
Sometimes, forgive me that thought, I actually get the impression they have quite conveniently arranged their lives in there. That they don't see what's going on beyond - well, maybe they don't know, or simply also don't want to know? Maybe they are afraid to use their legs for walking, their arms to embrace the world, their backs to stretch up high and their eyes for looking around? Maybe it frightens them to stretch their limbs and feel, really feel the difference?

No way making someone understand that there are solutions if they don't want to see any. No way to push someone to being a man - or woman, respectively. Despite all the love that is there for him (or her).

He must want it. He must do it. He must choose to walk upright, not hide in his pit in the face of life's challenges like a rabbit in the face of a hawk.

And there is nothing, simply nothing I could do about it. 
At that stage, it seems I only can let go.


And that last part is damned, damned, damned, damned hard.


Lyn

Products of History. Until We Release

We can't deny, we are all products of our history. History determines what we are: Our individial history, the history of our direct family, our ancestors, the collective history of our socio-cultural environment, and the history of mankind itself. Mankind who derived from protozoae who clustered to form an organism with complex interrelations. It's in us, it is in our cells. Encrypted but with enormous power.

It's a huge task to become aware and to deal with that heritage in us.


We each day, each moment, are the writers of the history of tomorrow.

In this sense, make good use of this week-end.



Lyn

Do as The Romans Do - An Unfortunate Journey Back in Time.

As promised to the operators of a theme park, please find herewith my personal statement regarding lefthanders discrimination by offering a bow shooting event which is fun for RIGHThanded kids only. Others - means the left ones - certainly experience a heavy disappointment in this park while expecting a day of fun, and their parents having paid for it. It is an e-mail directly to the Archeon in Alphen an den Rijn, The Netherlands.

It was a gorgeous day for the whole family ... except what I am describing here. Anyone who has not personally experienced this kind of discrimination during all lifetime might take a short moment what stupid things can be loaded on children, just because they are being considered as 'not right' and thus, ignored. To be honest, they simply are left out.

Imagine yourself a child and what such would do to you.

Bow shooting for lefthanders at the Archeon - disappointing and discriminating

Dear Madam or Sir,

as a family of six we had visited the Archeon last Easter Sunday and we all really enjoyed the brunch, the setting, the fun and in principle the complete day. The only exception was the bow shooting, as here it seems a very rigid policy against lefthanders is applied. For one, the bows are not suitable for both right and lefthanders. As a result, lefthanded children are forced to shoot as if being righthanders. It is by now well known that retraining lefthanded children to act as if being righthanders is a relict of some past which should already have been abandoned and overcome due to better knowledge and understanding of the fact that there simply ARE two brain hemispheres of which none is the better but both have their special qualities. Despite this, lefthanded children over and over have to experience severe discrimination and exclusion simply because daily life tools and handling requirements force them to act as if being righthanders.

This exactly already happens with the fact that the bows you are using in the Archeon are made for righthanders only.

Second, the way the person at that bow shooting stand acted towards the lefthanded children as I could observe on that Easter Sunday, was simply unbearable. A mother with a smaller child who was in the queue before us and who asked for the child being allowed to shoot lefthanded, was rigidly sent away and the child was visibly sad and disappointed. I then tried again as also both of my children and myself are lefthanders. My son of 11 years really wished to shoot, but when he asked he was not allowed to shoot lefthanded and waited and watched very disappointedly how all others were shooting with the bow.

After I discussed with the man on the stand, he first let my son shoot lefthanded but put him severly under psychological pressure by his aggressive behaviour. Next, he told my son to try it righthanded, and with that he supported him in shooting. The man was very angry and aggressive, and then sent my son rigidly away with the words where would have been the difference now. I must state, and with me any lefthanders and lefthanded children's parents would, that this behaviour towards a child is more than unacceptable and left a very bad impression of a day that was supposed to become a nice and beautiful day.

I am kindly asking you to
a) take measures that bows which allow both lefthanded and righthanded shooting will be available and
b) that the person on duty on that stand that day should get some advice about how to act towards guests of the Archeon, and especially towards children.

I will use the freedom of information to also forward this letter to lefthanders associations as this topic concerns all lefthanded children who in their daily lives over and over have to suffer such negative treatment and difficulties which are completely unnecessary. The discrimination these children have to repeatedly experience is unbearable and that their good days are spoiled because of such kind of reasons, is not justifiable at all.

With my kindest regards.

The management has not considered it necessary to answer this e-mail as of June 2011 at all. Unfortunately. So I think this fact should also be open to the interested public. People can't hide by ignoring when they are addressed. At least, the shouldn't.

I can tell that many other companies do not much better.

So does Mattel not consider it necessary to even medium term re-print their playcards as the well-known 'Uno' (anyway a copy of a much older common ownership game known as 'Mau-Mau' for instance in Germany, to be played with simple playcards as long as I can think) with the symbols top left AND right which would make it possible also for lefthanded children to hold the cards in their hands as it is according their natural personal handedness.
Mattel PI answers respective requests simply with the argument that there would be no demand for such. As we as a lefthanders organization did address them with the subject, just by this fact there certainly is a demand.  

Not to realize this must be pure, righthanded logic. Getting input and at the same time denying it is a very characteristic reaction.

And intelligent lefthanded kids have to early adapt as righthanders. If you are interested and start dealing with this subject you easily find out that such asymetric production of goods already forces children to become shifted sinistrals, with all the rat-tail of disadvantages and sometimes severely overasking effort for the brain. Nowadays, it should for long not be allowed anymore to force lefthanders to be righties, and I think we all know that. Lefthanded kids are what they are born naturally, and as good and as bad as righthanders. It may not be that some species of people claim the world only for themselves and exclude the ones which are simply different from living their lives.There are so many more items which already kids have to deal with and are only made for righthanders that it is almost impossible to list them all. Just some that instantly come back into my mind: the camera of my daughter (as any camera), the remote control of the helicopter my son wished for his last birthday and what therefore was a severe disappointment, as helicopters are already tricky to fly - imagine now to manage that with the 'wrong' as non-dominant hand and brain hemisphere.

We can constantly can see that lefties are left, indeed. Left by the adults whom they have a right to trust in. 

To summarize it in brief, there is a proverb that says:

'Dummheit und Stolz wachsen auf einem Holz'. 

Roughly translatable as ''stupidity and arrogance are growing a same material' (the English synonym though is 'Ignorance is the mother of Impudence'. I think the first one puts the causality closer to reality - as two symptoms caused by one reason which is left open and not a mono-linear relation).

Honestly disappointed about such still existing discrimination in a world that calls itself civilized,

Lyn

Findings of the Day - Signs

Found on a parking place on Jeju Island, South Korea. That car obviously knew where to park well.

And I like this one very much, found on the doors of an elevator, same location. Reads like: When you lean against wall - what you should not do - you fall down and hurt your head - what you should not do - so raise  your right hand - what you should not do. So maybe it must be read from right to left ... no idea how to in that case interpret the chain of actions. Anyhow.

Have fun and a great day,
Lyn

And some things you wished they just would pass by

An interesting article, just found, The Arms Race Intrudes on Paradise.

By GLORIA STEINEM

Published: August 6, 2011

[...] Jeju isn’t called the most beautiful place on earth for nothing. Ancient volcanoes have become snow-covered peaks with pure mountain streams running down to volcanic beaches and reefs of soft coral. In between are green hills covered with wildflowers, mandarin orange groves, nutmeg forests, tea plantations and rare orchids growing wild; all existing at peace with farms, resorts and small cities. Unesco, the United Nation’s educational, scientific and cultural organization, has designated Jeju Island a world natural heritage site.[...]

 When I was invited in May to again visit Jeju, by friends in the Korean women’s movement, I could see why it attracts peace conferences, honeymooners, environmentalists, marine biologists, film crews, pilgrims and tourists. But I also visited the peace encampment, within sight of harassing police officers and waiting bulldozers. The mayor of Gangjeong, the leader of the resisters, said quietly that he and others would give their lives to stop construction. His 92-year-old mother walks down from the village to the shore every evening to make sure he is still alive.

Still, the South Korean president, Lee Myung-bak, a former head of a construction company who was known as “Mr. Bulldozer,” hasn’t yet had a change of heart about supporting the naval base. Indeed, he seems to have the same relationship to construction that President George W. Bush had to oil. But I fear South Korea is a tail being wagged by the Pentagon dog. In contrast, his predecessor, Mr. Roh, said before he died that he regretted only two things: sending South Korean troops to Iraq and permitting a naval base on Jeju Island.[...]

[...] my faith is in the villagers who say,

“Touch not one stone, not one flower.”

Well, mine too.
Peace.

 

Lyn


[Links:

• http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/07/opinion/sunday/Steinem-the-arms-race-intrudes-on-a-south-korean-paradise.html?_r=1&ref=global-home
• http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/19/world/asia/19base.html?pagewanted=all
•  http://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/IOTD/view.php?id=35900 - NASA images created by Robert Simmon, using Landsat data provided by the United States Geological Survey. Caption by Michon Scott. Instrument: Landsat 7 - ETM+
• http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/1264]

Trespassing

It is often said and quoted that people who have experienced something (whatever), will in their own future life just repeat the same, only with changed roles. This is said to count for many abusers as the reason might be, even unknowingly, that they themselves hade been abused at a point. I have seen that many times in life. What we experience and learn in early childhood remains. In our brains, as action patterns.


Our world is a world where any being anyway is to a good part the product of its environment.

If this is the assumption then the consequence will be that anything and everything repeats. Until it is relieved, somehow. If not, patterns repeat being passed on from generation to generation, in single beings as well as collectively.

Have you ever thought about the other option which we have is to distance ourselves from the not so good things that happened in our lives, even when we were very little and we do not consciously remember? We often blindly repeat what is in our programming until maybe, at a point, after having repeated nonsense over long, long time, we might be able to reflect our own doing and get into distance to it.

Or we run around and have no proper program for ourselves at all in case we neglect this predestination early but nevertheless, we ourselves have to find an own way. The latter might be accompanied by stumbling over many pitfalls and into many traps in quite a harsh learning process.


And then ....
... we have the option to invent.
To create things as we vision them to be good.
When we do the principal job of sorting out - for ourselves.


If we had a childhood which was dominated by lack of love, food, whatever, and even if we have not become conscious about it, yet, but we always run for something, always try to find something we have no clue what it is - what hinders us to

1. allow ourselves from now on to be worthy of having what we lacked
2. allow others to be worthy of the same?

The difficulty mainly is that people who have experienced hard treatment, lack of material needs or lack of love, often fall back into becoming the then active part if another one is in need of such. They keep on playing a role game for all their lifetimes, and keep on looking for 'victims' as they once had been 'victims' themselves. To get into an illusion of now not being the victim, they need others to be such. They continue a bad game that has been played on them, not reflecting what that game had felt like for themselves at a point. They never get into that state of transforming and creating by themselves. They themselves such always remain victims, even if for them it now looks the other way around.


The opposite, and same desastrous, is stuffing too much of what we have lacked ourselves into others, into children, for instance, without regarding the present circumstances thoroughly. It actually must be taken into account that the measure makes the medicine. Also are we then not free from the results of the lack at all. We just do the opposite which is the same a kind of dependency and a kind of revolting behaviour, similar the behaviour of pubiciting kids when the abandon all that the parents say or do and can not differentiate the good and bad, the useful and the unusable at all. They are just against, and that is still ... dependency. This style has nothing to do with being free at all.

Sometimes though, it is necessary to oppose and rebell, indeed. That is when something does not want to let us go. Then we must with all our efforts pull away from it, or fence off. Clearly. Just later in the process, we may come to milder conclusions and actions. When something needs to be removed for complete clearance, it does not help and does no good to keep ourselves clinging to it.

We need to untie, completely, to reconstruct a new and free relation.


We may always pick out the patterns of good from literally every where, to create what is our vision of good. What is our vision of life. Because otherwise, anyway, it will never happen.

There is lots of good around. Well, maybe not so much, but there is. The difficulty is just to see and find it.

No taboos about what we might be allowed to think or question. 
We may question all, and we may think all and everything, too.


And then we can build new houses. Such that really fit. Such that are good for us and every one around us.
Little or big - they all then are just beautiful. The only thing these willl lack then, are skeletons in the closets.


Fine regards,
Lyn.

Far from Over

As for a very special day today - I am proud of my daughter's taste in music, and am seriously honoured by my son's taste regarding women.

Must have been something I did right, for sure, even being a lynx, myself (who can not do 'right', of course, but dig out what is 'left'):



'Feeling broken
Barely holding on
But there's just something so strong
Somewhere inside me
And I am down but I'll get up again
Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that
I won't stay around
But I'm gonna stand my ground
You're not gonna stop me
You don't know me
You don't know who I am
Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out
This is not the end
I'm down now
But I'll be standing tall again
Times are hard but
I was built tough
I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees
And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking
But I can take it
I'll be back
Back on my feet
This is far from over
I am far from over
You haven't seen the last of me

No no
I'm not going nowhere
I'm staying right here
Oh no
You won't see me begging
I'm not taking my bow
Can't stop me
It's not the end
You haven't seen the last of me
Oh no
You haven't seen the last of me
You haven't seen the last of me.'

Thanking a very unique and certainly special lady and
like you,

and ... a little bit for my ICT guys who same stand tall for me. In their own ways. Just gotta under_stand.

Thank you, boys!


Lyn

Man As A Mirror

Not finished with flowing on the for me at this moment relevant issue Powerplay, the Other Way, I stumbled over two so much contradictionary as can be examples during further screening.

One is in fact a webpage I have forwarded to Police for further international investigation. Searching for the keywords 'Daddy's girl' I unknowingly entered a video site where one of the descriptions read 'daddy's girl not so innocent'. I will not describe more of this except that it is unbelievable what some men get as ideas and phantasies into their sick brains (and not so seldomly women with same sick brains act as helpers same enjoying the power and control they can act out on others as they have none over themselves) and what they realize violently towards representatives for their hate and anger, where ever it has beein deriving from; physically and psychically much weaker beings. Kids. Teens. Children who will most likely have no further chance for achieving ever a healthy identity as women or men, ever.


The other website is one I found after long time searching on the topic, constructive. There is not much really useful to be found on how it comes to the passive aggressive feature, and what it does as an outcome, especially to women. Many 'fathering' websites glorify the 'special daughter father relation' in a kind of boyish ego adoration game, not taking into account the necessary grow factors for every human being and that we as parents will not help our children at all if we cover up inappropriate dependencies.

Now, what Hugo Schwyzer writes:

'Fathers, like other men, are supposed to be at least somewhat aware that they are being manipulated. I’ve gathered already that if I say “Yes, she’s already got me right where she wants me”, I’ll get indulgent smiles and teasing warnings about what she’s going to be like as a teen. And if I say — as I have said in one way or another several times — “I adore my girl, but she’s not going to get away with murder on my watch”, folks tend to shake their heads in real or mock pity at my stubborn refusal to acknowledge my own obvious frailty in the face of my daughter’s feminine wiles. A great deal of homosocial cameraderie is built and sustained on the theme of genuine or feigned exasperation at the supposed male inability to resist the charms of “hot chicks and pleading little girls.” I’m not particularly offended on my own behalf. I don’t have much invested in proving to the world that I’m not easily manipulated. (And one exhausts oneself trying to prove a negative.) But for the sake of both my family and feminism, I’m not willing to dismiss the “wrapped around her finger” narrative as charmingly harmless. First of all, I’m viscerally disgusted by the ways in which father-daughter relationships get framed in contemporary Western middle-class culture as quasi-romantic in nature [...]

Indeed, countless women have noted that when they hit puberty, their fathers’ attitude towards them shifted radically. Faced with the reality that their daughters were sexual beings — complete with boobs — far too many fathers withdrew both their affection and their adulation. Little girls who have been set up to be “Daddy’s little princess” not infrequently find their fathers to be suddenly remote and/or hyper-critical. Many father-daughter relationships take years to recover, and the impact on young women’s lives — right at the moment that many of them begin to explore their own sexuality — is sometimes devastating. I’m also troubled by the message this version of the myth of male weakness sends to girls. It encourages the noxious idea that men are loveable but easily led, and that “pretending to be weak” or “dressing real cute” are better strategies for young women to use to get what they want than simple forthright candor. In a very real way, it teaches little girls that manipulation is preferable to directness, and that good looks and feminine wiles are the most valuable tools a woman can possess. Above all, there’s a sinister reality that undergirds this whole discourse: if men are easily manipulated, than they can never fully be trusted. If a Dad can’t say no to his daughter, he sends her a message (however subliminal) that men are fundamentally unreliable. Whether in families or in boardrooms or in bed, one basic rule of life is that you can never, ever trust anyone who doesn’t have the strength and the agency with which to tell you “No”.'

[From: “She’s got you wrapped around her finger”: fathers, daughters, and a variation on the myth of male weakness, Published by Hugo Schwyzer on August 25, 2009].

And - whoooosh - here you are with your passive aggressive little Poison Ivys.

I have to deal seriously with this issue at the very moment, as I need to reject being integrated in such a kind of game. I have done with all my means my very, very best to educate my now teen daughter to find her very own way to herself (not my self!), having support, warmth and a helping hand where needed, socialize in a multilaterally healthy way and apart from that deserve all love from a mother that she by being on this earth deserves but not getting entangled in a web of dependencies; and also not entangled into a dependency with me. We know that we will have to leave one day. It is irresponsible to not let children go their very own way, supportedly and with love.

When women learn to stand on their own two feet, when they are supported and encouraged becoming women and not just fakes of such, they at a point can openly meet a partner they choose for love - not for neediness. This is what I think we owe to our selves and to any respective partner.

Nevertheless, we are yet far away from such ideals and visions. If mankind needs to fall lower in evolutionary level a proven mean is to seriously get humans into existencial and psychological stress and unsolvable environmental conflicts: You can then watch formerly cultured and civilized humans fall into levels of animal and reptile behaviour like flies falling from the wall with a dose of pesticide. Add some more weird role models as our media spread, confuse them with as many contradictious messages as are available, and you get them getting nowhere.


As obviously one of the very few men who obviously have dealt intellectually, emotionally and in practice with this issue, may I refer to one more article of this author:

'And I’ve seen, a time or nine, an unhealthy triangulation occur with dads, moms, and their daughters. While the dangers of physical incest and abuse are real, there’s a kind of emotionally incestuous dynamic I’ve witnessed between fathers and daughters, one in which dads seek from their daughters the validation and affirmation that they feel they are entitled to, but are not receiving from their wives.
Little children adore their parents. Really, it’s a lovely thing to come home each day and be welcomed, as I invariably am, with gales of excited laughter and delight. (I’m the primary care giver for much of the weekend and most late afternoons and evenings; my wife handles the mornings, my mother-in-law and the nanny work splendidly in the gaps.) My daughter’s love is an impressive thing to feel, especially as she’s gotten better recently at wrapping herself around my neck and squeezing me tight. No matter what has transpired during the day, no matter what I’ve said or done (or failed to say or do), Heloise seems to adore me. It’s a wonderful thing, and I eat it up with wonder and gratitude and delight. I’m told that her devotion will only grow more intense; many little girls begin to bond more intensely with their fathers in their second and third years of life, presuming that a dad is around. One looks forward to this.
Of course, spouses aren’t the same as children. My wife loves me, a fact of which I blessedly have no doubt. But she most certainly doesn’t have me a on pedestal, doesn’t think I’m flawless, and doesn’t greet me with shrieks of joy everytime I walk into the house. Eira engages with me as a partner, and she challenges me and pushes me and asks me for things; I do the same for her. In a good marriage, iron sharpens iron, and the more friction in the sharpening process, the greater and more enduring the heat. Anyone who’s met my wife knows that she’s a tall, strong force of nature. (This is a woman who can dress down Israeli soldiers on patrol and make them blush apologetically. If you know the men and women of the IDF, you’ll know how astounding that is.) She loves me and she encourages me as I do her, but she doesn’t conceal her displeasure when she’s unhappy, and she doesn’t come rushing to me like something out of a Marabel Morgan book when I enter the house.
Here’s the thing: I’ve seen men play their daughters against their wives, mistakenly believing that the way in which their daughters see them (as heroic and perfect) is the way that their spouses ought to as well. If a man hasn’t done his “work”, he may find himself looking at his daughter, gazing up at him with adoration, and he may start (resentfully) to contrast his girl’s fierce and uncomplicated devotion with the somewhat less enthusiastic reception he may be getting from his overworked and exhausted wife. In most cases, this doesn’t mean the papa will turn to his daughter sexually, though it surely, tragically, maddeningly does happen more often than we like to think about. But he may find himself relying more and more on the affirmation he gets from his adoring baby girl.'

[From: Princesses, princes, daughters and dads: against emotional incest, Published by Hugo Schwyzer on October 22, 2009]

Hoping I have now not violated internet quotation rules (which is tricky these days - but what this man has to say with these quotes is so emminently of importance that I can't just put the pieces out of the context further). I will certainly myself go on reading through his stuff as it looks sound and interesting enough. Thanks that there are also some reasonable humans existing on this planet and not only totally detached ones, in argumentation and fence-building. My respect, Sir.

There is so much to be found if we just look a little further than our fence.

Lovely regards on a rainy day,
Lyn