Though the last period of time brought me so many talks and new views - other views which always are of relevance to explore - one recent I cherish so much.
It was about the basic drives and needs. One option was, some output by a therapeutic coach transported to me by a wonderfully sensitive person: that every human wants (or needs) to be loved.
My issue was that it already would be a great achievement to feel understood (as a wanderer between worlds I do not often feel very understood, so I hope this wish is somewhat understandable). Already sometimes being understood would ease human lives so much if people would have someone who just 'understands'. Being loved is such a high goal that I bet many are giving it up long before their ship is leaving and go for somewhat minor by far. And also: what do we know what people understand by the term 'love'.
This one is very relative one. A child that has been tought that whenever it is abused this is because of being loved will connect abuse with love, or maybe in another situation will just not have any clue that love exists.
Until it learns to separate and analyze and starts to sort its peas - or lenses. The good ones - keep. The bad ones - digest (with a little help from some friends).
Then our talk moved towards the term 'accepted', and thus we were carried into the triangle of
I need some more time to philosophically juggle with these three. Maybe you can do it meanwhile. I surely also will.
Now the other side is: what about a need to love - to actively love, something, someone, oneself?
Being loved is a need from earliest time on. A child needs to be cared for otherwise it will die. Sometimes humans function so simple. Only if we understand these basics we can go for further.
And the next issue is what happens if people constantly are denied their basic needs. If we create a social system, a way of living together which barely gets out of demanding what we can't get because every one is so needy so that he (or she) mainly wants to extract from others rather than give so that another one's needs can be met? Aren't we to a high degree living a system and in a self-created society like this? It all starts with fundamental physical relations like being born, being needy, needing care of parents who really can parent, who are able to work as a loving two in one (or one in one if no better is doable).
By the way, did you know that the understanding of relationship is happening in a very young child, long before it can consciously put anything together? Well, it's a basic programming we all receive by the relations of our parents and the direct, close environment. Only if we question at a point where our mind starts to wake up we can put these deepest impressions into place.
Next: where essentials needs are not met, the way to compensating is somewhat pre-programmed. I also have been talking lots to people who wish nothing more than to be loved, partly really having everything in life - except for love - and those constantly/consequently will do their very best to avoid this to happen, they even would push it away very harshly the moment it could start. They simply do not allow - so that by the damage of lack they have suffered they re-create the lack over and more. You - and I - know what the symptom is called that occurs from the repression of basic psychological needs.
So I would like to think about if one of our basic needs would be
- not only being loved.
Then the question would be: to be or not to love.
And this, contrarily to being loved, is something anyone can decide and go for on his, her own.
And if we don't allow ourselves, if we deny to ourselves this fundamental drive:
what will happen from this? With and within us, but also in the wider, even the widest context?
Just a start for now. There are no objects. All subjects.
Others like you, others like me.
Enjoy the beautiful day.
Yours,
Lyn
It was about the basic drives and needs. One option was, some output by a therapeutic coach transported to me by a wonderfully sensitive person: that every human wants (or needs) to be loved.
My issue was that it already would be a great achievement to feel understood (as a wanderer between worlds I do not often feel very understood, so I hope this wish is somewhat understandable). Already sometimes being understood would ease human lives so much if people would have someone who just 'understands'. Being loved is such a high goal that I bet many are giving it up long before their ship is leaving and go for somewhat minor by far. And also: what do we know what people understand by the term 'love'.
Until it learns to separate and analyze and starts to sort its peas - or lenses. The good ones - keep. The bad ones - digest (with a little help from some friends).
Then our talk moved towards the term 'accepted', and thus we were carried into the triangle of
accepting
understanding
love.
I need some more time to philosophically juggle with these three. Maybe you can do it meanwhile. I surely also will.
Now the other side is: what about a need to love - to actively love, something, someone, oneself?
Being loved is a need from earliest time on. A child needs to be cared for otherwise it will die. Sometimes humans function so simple. Only if we understand these basics we can go for further.
And the next issue is what happens if people constantly are denied their basic needs. If we create a social system, a way of living together which barely gets out of demanding what we can't get because every one is so needy so that he (or she) mainly wants to extract from others rather than give so that another one's needs can be met? Aren't we to a high degree living a system and in a self-created society like this? It all starts with fundamental physical relations like being born, being needy, needing care of parents who really can parent, who are able to work as a loving two in one (or one in one if no better is doable).
By the way, did you know that the understanding of relationship is happening in a very young child, long before it can consciously put anything together? Well, it's a basic programming we all receive by the relations of our parents and the direct, close environment. Only if we question at a point where our mind starts to wake up we can put these deepest impressions into place.
Next: where essentials needs are not met, the way to compensating is somewhat pre-programmed. I also have been talking lots to people who wish nothing more than to be loved, partly really having everything in life - except for love - and those constantly/consequently will do their very best to avoid this to happen, they even would push it away very harshly the moment it could start. They simply do not allow - so that by the damage of lack they have suffered they re-create the lack over and more. You - and I - know what the symptom is called that occurs from the repression of basic psychological needs.
So I would like to think about if one of our basic needs would be
the essential NEED TO LOVE
- not only being loved.
Then the question would be: to be or not to love.
And this, contrarily to being loved, is something anyone can decide and go for on his, her own.
And if we don't allow ourselves, if we deny to ourselves this fundamental drive:
what will happen from this? With and within us, but also in the wider, even the widest context?
Just a start for now. There are no objects. All subjects.
Others like you, others like me.
Enjoy the beautiful day.
Yours,
Lyn
