Fell over this study, and had to reflect this a little more. As a mom with a 15 and a 12 year old, this kind of troubles are, as for any other parent, a kind of 'daily bread' we got to positively deal with.While I find it easier to argue in good ways with my 15 year old daughter, I am presently heavily struggling with a 12 year old wild boy who is sweeping his growing deer antlers - and does so with me as his sparring partner. I know they need that to learn using them in good ways. But at the same time he ought to do with other stags. Well, looking at the study once more I find that also it is some kind of natural doing so on a safe terrain. And that safe ground is obviously me.
Looking at this behavior closer, it might be that it is in fact an honor that they do such learning process where they trust in the counterpart. Where such trust does not exist, they also can't perform that training process.
As parents all this strange behavior kids express towards us is often enough not really understandable, and my daughter is very funny when she is able to express some days that she definitely knows the periods when her mind and hormonal brain flooding is playing tricks on her. Also learning to self-assess and realizing such factors is very important for finding ways to communicate and find together. Provided that the counterpart accepts this benevolently and does not use such kind of acknowledgement of own weakness of the other to weaken him or her further and then attack on this weak point. The latter is definitely just very undeveloped social skills and unfortunately, many people make their little wins that way. Even dogs have more advanced social skills. It is a nice outcome of the study that apparently humans can also learn to get there.
Teens who express differences might also resist peer pressure
Anne-Marie Tobin, The Canadian Press,
But in general it would be possible to deal with any kind of diversity, to be able to explain and to be able to also understand. Provided that the participants develop a sense for anything that is outside of their own little soup bowl. And that is a phase of social-emotional development that got to happen if anyone ever wants to grow. For everyone. A conglomerate of ego-driven dummies won't be able to face what's ahead. We only will if we see there is more than our individual needs and baby-like behaviour. Such development of in-and-outsight usually takes place in the stage of pubicity, and therefore it is so important to interact in that phase, not just to let flow or even go back to an earlier stage, stuffing into widely opened beaks when the nestlings expect us to do so. Naturally, the process is started by our internal programming which is perfectly synchronized for making humans grow. It virtually makes no sense to carry around 1,50 up to 1,80 meters tall 'babies' or driving them around in cars as many parents do when they realize that prams don't work out anymore. If healthy, kids naturally prepare for release and start up the respective steps. All is well arranged. If that step does not occur in natural and healthy ways ... well, then something must happen. Kids just will fill into gaps and breeches they find open to their convenience and develop according to what is around.
Any children undergo a process to understand that they are not only part of a group but also play an individual role within, and it is of importance for them to learn and understand the world they live in and what place they find in there. How that process will be successfull certainly depends on a lot of factors. It starts with the parents and peers, but it is also a commonly known fact that
I can only confirm that the phase for kids is very important to stand up and express their own opinions. If these are their own and at least halfway processed and not just an unreflective reproduction of programming from otherside, any statements are discussable. Cultural and social environments, societies and media have a strong impact on the early development of children already - and I certainly have also underestimated the latter even though due to my background already much more aware of media psychology than many other parents. That makes it even more important that children learn to have and reflect own opinions and not just flow with the stream. If we would have been meant to be parrots we certainly would have become such.
Living beings learn to stand in life.
Dead bodies flow with the stream.
It really depends on how the parents deal with it. That part is often difficult enough and sometimes (often) just extremely challenging. The good thing just is that
Challenges are there for growth.
Keeping on loving, moving ahead,
Lyn
Links
As parents all this strange behavior kids express towards us is often enough not really understandable, and my daughter is very funny when she is able to express some days that she definitely knows the periods when her mind and hormonal brain flooding is playing tricks on her. Also learning to self-assess and realizing such factors is very important for finding ways to communicate and find together. Provided that the counterpart accepts this benevolently and does not use such kind of acknowledgement of own weakness of the other to weaken him or her further and then attack on this weak point. The latter is definitely just very undeveloped social skills and unfortunately, many people make their little wins that way. Even dogs have more advanced social skills. It is a nice outcome of the study that apparently humans can also learn to get there.
Anne-Marie Tobin, The Canadian Press,
[...] Essentially, the kids who express their own points of view in the right way are practising an important life skill. Allen said teens need to learn to stand up for themselves somewhere, and those who learn to do so in the right way with their parents are actually much better suited to do it well with their peers.
The study is published Thursday in the journal Child Development. [...]I certainly consider the ability to discuss any problem in good ways a matter of highest relevance, and it will be even more the more crowded and closer the world becomes. We all are different, we all have different views and opinions, and with some people it also becomes evident that we might never find a common basis. Also that we have to accept.
The study was only done with moms because there were more families with mothers, due to divorces and the rates of single-parent families, but Allen said it's possible the same process applies to interactions with dads.
Allen said it makes sense that the teens who can disagree with their parents can disagree with their peers and don't get influenced as much.
"A teen who is successful at standing up for themselves might have a friend who's abusing substances, but is able to stand apart from that behaviour," he said.
"Whereas a teen who, for example, with their parents just says 'yes sir,' 'yes ma'am,' even when they really don't agree or really don't understand, it looks like they maybe do the same thing with their peers — and they just say 'OK, I'll do it,' whether or not it makes sense for them."
He said the challenge for parents who disagree with their kids is to work toward having the right kind of disagreements that are handled in a reasonable way. [...]
But in general it would be possible to deal with any kind of diversity, to be able to explain and to be able to also understand. Provided that the participants develop a sense for anything that is outside of their own little soup bowl. And that is a phase of social-emotional development that got to happen if anyone ever wants to grow. For everyone. A conglomerate of ego-driven dummies won't be able to face what's ahead. We only will if we see there is more than our individual needs and baby-like behaviour. Such development of in-and-outsight usually takes place in the stage of pubicity, and therefore it is so important to interact in that phase, not just to let flow or even go back to an earlier stage, stuffing into widely opened beaks when the nestlings expect us to do so. Naturally, the process is started by our internal programming which is perfectly synchronized for making humans grow. It virtually makes no sense to carry around 1,50 up to 1,80 meters tall 'babies' or driving them around in cars as many parents do when they realize that prams don't work out anymore. If healthy, kids naturally prepare for release and start up the respective steps. All is well arranged. If that step does not occur in natural and healthy ways ... well, then something must happen. Kids just will fill into gaps and breeches they find open to their convenience and develop according to what is around.
Any children undergo a process to understand that they are not only part of a group but also play an individual role within, and it is of importance for them to learn and understand the world they live in and what place they find in there. How that process will be successfull certainly depends on a lot of factors. It starts with the parents and peers, but it is also a commonly known fact that
'It takes a village to raise a child'.
(African proverb)
I can only confirm that the phase for kids is very important to stand up and express their own opinions. If these are their own and at least halfway processed and not just an unreflective reproduction of programming from otherside, any statements are discussable. Cultural and social environments, societies and media have a strong impact on the early development of children already - and I certainly have also underestimated the latter even though due to my background already much more aware of media psychology than many other parents. That makes it even more important that children learn to have and reflect own opinions and not just flow with the stream. If we would have been meant to be parrots we certainly would have become such.
Living beings learn to stand in life.
Dead bodies flow with the stream.
It really depends on how the parents deal with it. That part is often difficult enough and sometimes (often) just extremely challenging. The good thing just is that
Challenges are there for growth.
Keeping on loving, moving ahead,
Lyn
Links
- Predictors of Susceptibility to Peer Influence Regarding Substance Use in Adolescence Joseph P. Allen, Joanna Chango, David Szwedo, Megan Schad, Emily Marston Article first published online: 21 DEC 2011
- Argumentative Teens More Likely to Resist Peer Pressure
- Virginia Adolescent Research Group
- Medicine JournalFeeds
No comments:
Post a Comment